The Seed-ish Chef

Dear Aunt Alice,

I was invited to an "adult" dinner party recently, not an actual orgy you understand, but a sensual gathering thrown by a free-spirited woman of my acquaintance. To my surprise our blond-haired hostess insisted I eat large amounts of celery with my main course. I don't usually like this particular vegetable, however I ate it all, in part to prove my good manners to this woman, whom I found extremely attractive. But I also did so because a friend seated next to me murmured that our hostess was probably planning to have oral sex with me and wanted to "flavor" my ejaculation with a mild, salty taste! I thought he was joking, because I'd never heard of such a thing, but when I said I didn't believe him, he assured me he was quite serious: celery affects the flavor of sperm – and other foods and beverages can do so as well.

Indeed, soon after she had served the coffee, our hostess asked me to join her in the study on some pretext or another. When we left the main room she escorted me not to the study, but to a darkened cloakroom, where in short order she unzipped me, and blow-jobbed me with her soft, middle-aged mouth. There was a wonderful air of secretiveness to our unexpected liaison; and aside from the naughty thrill of it, this woman's penis-sucking abilities happened to be superb! I soon came a very full load of jism... which my hostess immediately informed me tasted delicious. I felt rather too embarrassed to ask her if my ejaculation tasted good due to her "flavoring" technique; but now I wish to ask you, Aunt Alice: Have you ever heard of this method of enhancing the taste of male cum – or even tried it or something similar yourself?

T. M.

London, England

Dear T. M.,

Your question is one that's near and dear to my heart -- or to be more accurate, my lips. As you seemingly understand, I love sucking cock, and I also love the thrill of a man's semen flooding into my mouth, over my tongue, down my throat. I find this proof of how deeply I have pleased him incredibly satisfying! Many men don't understand: sucking cock can give a woman a real sense of empowerment, of sexual control. But having said that, it is also true that sperm comes in many different flavors; some great, some less so.

                As for the celery "recipe" you think your cum-hungry hostess imposed on your nut-nectar, well, it is possible she had some such thing in mind because celery is one food said to affect the flavor of gonad goo. Others, by the way, are banana, strawberry, ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, and pineapple. There are even products on the market –they have names such as Semenex, Tasty Mate and Cum D'Licious – which claim they'll enhance the taste of your tubesteak sauce. I cannot recommend any of these products to my readers, since I haven't tried any. I don't feel the need to, because I happen to enjoy the taste of sperm ­au naturel.

However, having said all that, I strongly suspect you are simply a very lucky man – or at least one who "got lucky" with a cum-loving lady on the evening in question. Because although they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, it's highly unlikely that anything your charming hostess fed you for dinner would have seeped into your ball juice with such speed.

On the other hand, there's no doubt about it: diet in general DOES affect the taste of ejaculate.  I can't tell you for sure about the specific foods mentioned above, because I don't recall ever having a lover who gorged on them and then served me an especially tasty helping of guy gravy. But I have personally noticed, for example, that "Latin lovers" of mine, in fact men who eat spicy diets of the South American, Middle Eastern, or Southern European kinds all tend to have more pungent, spicy-tasting spuzz; and I also recall a Scandinavian lover who spurted bland, very nearly flavorless fuck fluid. Speaking of the celery theory: I also remember the sex-partner who had the most delicious dick dew of all. He happened to be a vegetarian, in fact a total vegan. A doctor-friend tells me he's heard that red meat, fish, and dairy products (especially cheese) adversely affect the taste of semen. Then again, garlic, onions, asparagus, and alcohol supposedly do too, but if they do, too bad. I would hardly expect my lovers to stop eating and drinking those wonderful things, any more than I'd be willing to do so myself. And speaking of alcohol, when I've had enough to drink I don't care what my lover's scum tastes like.

                Finally, how about this for a guilty treat: One of my dearest fuck-friends unfortunately had diabetes. I can tell you – and he was also aware – that when his blood sugar level was too high, his seed spurts were exceptionally sticky and tasted exceptionally sweet! I used to think of myself as my darling diabetic's home glucose monitor. I'd come over, suck my sugar's cane till he spouted, and if his sap tasted especially syrupy, as I licked the last luscious drop off my lips I'd say, "Oh honey? I think you need to test your insulin level."

                "Why should I?" he'd sometimes snicker. "You just did it for me."

Jack the Rigger

Dear Alice,

Soon, I am to marry Anne, the gorgeous woman of my fantasies. We've done everything from oral to anal, we've experimented several times with soft-swap with other couples, and we've even full-swapped on two occasions. I've been into rope bondage for some time now, and Anne knows this. I long to see her all-natural, 40D tits coiled snugly in soft white cotton rope. Anne is a little reluctant, but I was hoping you could coax her to try it. I'd never hurt her! Perhaps you could write her in your column about your experience in this area. Big boobs wrapped in rope really turn me on!

Yours in Breast Bondage,

Anthony

Marlton, NJ

Dear Anne and Anthony:

Hello Anne, darling. Of course you know your sweetie Anthony has asked me to "coax" you into trying a little tit-tying; so I'll begin by confessing my personal prejudice to you, woman-to-woman: I happen to LOVE bondage in general and breast bondage in particular. I've never been into BDSM as such (I assume you are not either), but during hot fucking with a lover whom I trust, I always enjoy an occasional session of "the ties that bind." Good sex is all about surrender... letting go... giving up your inhibitions and fears. When I am tied and helpless and then "made" to submit to all manner of delicious, dirty defilement... my breasts tightly roped, my nipples clasped beneath the coils, my ass spread open and probed, my cunt licked and teased... and when I am held totally immobilized and helpless to stop these filthy pleasures from being "inflicted" on me... well! Bondage can, paradoxically, be an amazingly liberating experience.

                Now then... here's my advice to you, Anne: Don't do ANYTHING unless you feel completely safe and secure about doing it (sorry Anthony)! Sex is all about letting go, but letting go is all about trust. So Anne, you should only do the things you feel comfortable doing. Since Anthony tells us you two are into oral and anal pleasures, and swinging pleasures as well, it sounds like you already have a pretty varied and adventurous sex life. Perhaps once you are married, you'll feel ready for the new level of freedom and trust which really good bondage, breast or otherwise, requires. Anthony says you'll be "tying the knot" soon. When you go off on your honeymoon, maybe you'll want to surprise your new husband with a few packages of clothesline! (Remember Anthony... I did say "maybe.")

                Now that I've hopefully whetted your appetite for the bonds of matrimony, I'll whet it a little further by sharing MY best breast bondage experience, which happened not in my marriage bed but in another safe, secure location: the set of a porn movie!

I'd never done a bondage film, and frankly I didn't know what fun breast bondage could be, when I met Jack on a porn set several years back. He was 36 years old, and part American Indian, with long black hair, hawkish features, and a trim, tightly muscled body. But Jack wasn't a porn actor; he was a highly specialized crew member. Jack was what we in the business call a "rigger": wonderfully adept at tying people up in neat, elaborate coils and knots.

                Our film was just another porn flick, however in one scene I was required to be tightly tied, gagged, and fucked. It was going to take time to "rig" me for my bondage debut, so the crew took a lunch break, leaving Jack and me alone. I was seated on a wooden chair on the soundstage, which had been propped to look like a bare, shadowy dungeon. I wore spike heels, stockings and garters, a lacy black bra, and a short silk robe.

"Take everything off," Jack said in a soft, deep voice. "Everything but your shoes." When I looked at him questioningly, he shrugged and said, "Once I finish rigging you, the only way to get your bra and panties off will be to cut them off."

I blushed, partly because I should have realized what he meant and partly because though I am hardly a shy person, I suddenly felt a twinge of shame, stripping naked under the appraising eyes of one lone man... especially one I found so attractive. When I was nude save for my heels, Jack went to work. He pushed my wrists together and, working so quickly his fingers were a sort of blur, tied them with three neat coils of white rope, which he knotted right between my wrists. Forced together like that, my immobilized arms made my breasts jut like the prows of two ships!

Jack didn't say a word; but the way he glared hungrily at my milky mounds told me he was already enjoying his handiwork. He pulled me to my feet and made me stand with my legs apart. Soon, tight double coils circled my waist and bit into my flesh harder than any corset. Then a line dropped down from my waist to my cunt. Jack yanked the rope hard, wedging it into my moist slit and up the crack of my ass, tugged again forcing it deep between my ass cheeks, knotting the line at the small of my back. I think I have never felt so coldly, impersonally violated as I did by the penetrating rope. It was as though it were ass- and cunt-fucking me, and in moments I know my pussy juice was totally soaking the coils spreading open my slit and chaffing my clit and anus. Then Jack tied my wrist-bindings to the cord running down my belly and between my cuntlips. Now if I moved my arms even the slightest, I felt it in my cunt and my ass!

But Jack the Rigger saved the best bindings for last. First, double coils wrapped tightly across my chest and upper arms just above my breasts, pressing them down... then triple coils dug under my breast-creases, lifting them up and out... now coils biting tightly AROUND each mammary made them blush bright red and swollen... and at last tight triple coils crossed my breasts, crushing my nipples. Finally, Jack tied the whole body-rig to my wrists again, so if I moved my arms in the slightest, I felt sizzles of pleasure-pain in my nipples, ass, and cunt!

Jack admired his handiwork. I knew from the bulge in his jeans exactly how pleased he was with what he saw.

"Quick!" he hissed. "Crew'll be back in a minute. Get on your knees!"

I was quite eager to obey him – not that I had any choice in the matter. As I dropped down, he pulled out one of the biggest, thickest, most beautiful cocks I've ever seen! He held it inches from my lips and proceeded to masturbate furiously. God how I wanted to suck it! But that wasn't what Jack had in mind.

"Open your mouth, slut!" he snarled. "Keep it open and jerk yourself off!"

I understood the mouth-open order, though not the jerk-myself-off part. But when he tugged on my wrists sending a thrill through my cunt and ass and breasts... I understood completely. Bound and helpless on my knees, I began to masturbate myself by jerking on Jack's amazing rigging. As I shook and gasped my way through a delicious orgasm, Jack let fly too! Thick scum clots pulsed out of his cockhead, and I managed to catch almost every salty, glutinous drop! Jack finished by jamming his cock all the way into my mouth, forcing the sperm deep down my throat.

The crew had begun filtering back in before we'd completely finished. However this was a porn set, and nobody much cared as I suck-cleaned Jack's penis... nobody except the makeup girl, who grumbled about needing to redo my lipstick and wipe the few spermy drops I'd missed, out of my hair.